Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Back to the grind

Well, #3 started high school yesterday. I still don't know how or when I got old enough to have a high school kid!! (Denial with step-kids is ultra way am I old enough to be a grandmother!!) She came home in a good mood so it was all good...teenager gone all day and comes home in a good mood-the stars are aligned somewhere!!

Today I am busy looking for a job, changing diapers, doing laundry, and cleaning the house (well I will be now...I had to have a nap with the boys, it was hard work planning all this!!

Have a good day...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

'Financial Peace University' was a helpful read

The making of a millionaire!!

It showed me several different ways people thought about money and it allowed me to tailor teachings for my teenager in a way that she could not only understand but also absorb.

My 14 year old daughter is already in the habit of saving no less than 20% of her earnings. She loves to watch it grow and I hope that it will be a seamless transition from babysitting to W2!!

Friday, September 4, 2009


That's how I am feeling these days, YUCK. I am so unsure of everything that I have no idea which direction to head.

The decision to reconcile was based mostly on "mommy guilt." For any of you who have children out there you know what I am talking about. Everybody else just needs to know that "mommy guilt" is one of the deepest emotions a parent can face. It can make you do things you wouldn't otherwise do.

My kids are my world. I know how devastating a divorce would be on them; especially one with the bitterness of Hubby. He had the power to destroy our children and was doing a pretty good job of it...asshole.

The option to reconcile or continue on the path we were on caused me to put my own feelings aside, my own needs, and to just kind of fall back into my 'role.'

Well, as it turns out, I don't like this role. I was enjoying my new role as single parent. I was thriving. I was on my way to bigger and better things. Now, I feel stuck. YUCK

This all happened so fast that I don't even know some of it happened. Much of it took place during my far too brief pregnancy. I miss Faith a little more everyday and it hurts so bad...My heart breaks a little more each day. My tears are starting to fall finally and they sting. At night I dream I am still pregnant or that she is already here and I wake up crying. I want my baby back. I love you Faith.

Now I feel as though I have no option but to accept this choice I made because going through it all again would be so hard on the kids...but is watching their mother become an empty shell any better? The thing you need to remember when choosing the best of two evils and that they are both still evil...

I need an ice cream cone...peanut butter cup ice cream mmmMMMMMmmmm. I just may run and get one after the kids go to bed! Maybe then, even if only for a few minutes I can turn YUCK into YUM...

I had a tattoo thought today as well. A special version of a family tree. A branch with three butterflies (for my living children) and four caterpillars (for my children born much too soon). I'd put them in chronological order (B-C-C-B-C-B-C)...pretty neat I think if I do say so myself!!