On November 1, 2009 at 2:00pm I will lay to rest my precious Faith. The casket is ordered and it is way to small to hold everything she means to me. The burial container will hold the pink trinket box where she sleeps on a bed of miniature pink rose petals.
My body wants to collapse in a ball of sobbing tears, I can FEEL the grief, I just can't experience it.
I am having such a hard time grieving for my baby girl. Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes. With everything our family has been through I just can't openly grieve for this sweet innocent child. When I do, Hubby feels like he needs to comfort me, hold me, whatever...I don't want that. He damaged everything we were and this baby is mine, not ours. I'm sure the residual anger is what drives these emotions. Do I want him to feel guilty? Maybe. Do I want this to absolutely kill him, probably. As long as he suffers on his own time, not mine.
I just cannot completely embrace moving forward with him. He killed everything we worked so hard for. Without a second thought of what the long term consequences would be to our relationship as co-parents, the lives of our children, the damage done to the relationships with extended family members...nothing, he just walked in with a blow torch and flipped the switch.
There is one friend I wish could be with me to hold me on the day we lay Faith to rest and I know he will be there in thought and spirit. He will put his arms around me and hold me strong for my kids. I feel his love everyday, it keeps me strong. I miss him dearly. Thank you 'C' for being you, nobody understands me like you do and I know that when I pray for peace, God hears me and comforts you.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
How will I know if I've gotten there??
The level of training available to new beauty consultants is great! There are classes on booking, hostess coaching, holding skin care classes, make up application, time management, money management...you name it, they have a class you can take either on-line, via teleconference, or on site. Directors are a wonderful source of information.
I just graduated a six week teleconference Exceptional Booking Class. The information was very valuable and insightful. At the beginning there were 22, only three of us graduated! I'm sure it was the minimal assignments we were given each week that led to the extremely high drop out rate (87% ouch)
What I am seeing more and more of is these 'part-timers' in the business. Women who, for the most part, do no active selling. They place orders to fulfill their personal needs and, if people they had as customers are needing product, they will add that to their order.
One of the concepts is to not 'steal' each others customers. I struggle with this in many respects. As a customer, if my IBC was not concerned with my needs and I only filled in the cracks for her, I would welcome service from another consultant.
Last night I was out with Hubby and a woman took my business card and said she'd order from me as long as I didn't tell her IBC. I asked if she had problems and she stated that basically the only time she ever heard from her consultant was when she wanted her to place an order. I try to build relationships with my customers. I am interested in their families, work, hobbies, etc. I see people when I talk to my customers, not dollar signs. Isn't this how you build a customer base? Is it really all about money?? Am I crazy? (don't answer that)
If I am not satisfying my customer I HOPE they either tell me or find somebody who will...they pay good money to be recognized and appreciated. I ask how often they like to be contacted and follow through. I follow up on orders, give samples of products they may like to try based on products they've used in the past.
I just graduated a six week teleconference Exceptional Booking Class. The information was very valuable and insightful. At the beginning there were 22, only three of us graduated! I'm sure it was the minimal assignments we were given each week that led to the extremely high drop out rate (87% ouch)
What I am seeing more and more of is these 'part-timers' in the business. Women who, for the most part, do no active selling. They place orders to fulfill their personal needs and, if people they had as customers are needing product, they will add that to their order.
One of the concepts is to not 'steal' each others customers. I struggle with this in many respects. As a customer, if my IBC was not concerned with my needs and I only filled in the cracks for her, I would welcome service from another consultant.
Last night I was out with Hubby and a woman took my business card and said she'd order from me as long as I didn't tell her IBC. I asked if she had problems and she stated that basically the only time she ever heard from her consultant was when she wanted her to place an order. I try to build relationships with my customers. I am interested in their families, work, hobbies, etc. I see people when I talk to my customers, not dollar signs. Isn't this how you build a customer base? Is it really all about money?? Am I crazy? (don't answer that)
If I am not satisfying my customer I HOPE they either tell me or find somebody who will...they pay good money to be recognized and appreciated. I ask how often they like to be contacted and follow through. I follow up on orders, give samples of products they may like to try based on products they've used in the past.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Business is booming
Well, my decision to begin a Mary Kay home business has been a blessing I would have never even considered had life not thrown me the curve ball it did in January. Who would have thought that something as simple as signing a contract and spending $100 would forever change my life??
When I first signed my contract I decided to completely embrace the Mary Kay concept and it has been very rewarding. I have always enjoyed dressing up and looking good. As a professional business woman, I now do this almost daily! People who have known me for years have made comments about how great I look and how surprised they are that I am an Independent Beauty Consultant...the tom-boy of all tom-boys now a professional beauty consultant!!
I grew up in a family of seven children; four boys, three girls...I always truly thought it should have been five and two. So for people who have known me my entire life are sometimes shocked yet always pleased that I have taken a new direction.
I still embrace my high levels of testosterone regularly, I just look damn good when I do it! LOL I love hunting deer in November, dressed in blaze orange camouflage clothing, I enjoy riding snowmobiles when it is -30 C while wearing my awesome sno-cross style helmet.
What is different? Well, every morning I use the TimeWise 3-in-1 Cleanser in the shower. Every third day I add the Microdermabrasion Step One while I'm in there...you have never felt anything like it and it is awesome! So I go through the entire 'skin care routine' and follow it with a little bit of color; not enough to look like the Beauty Consultants of the 70's and 80's, just enough to bring out my stunning eyes and wonderfully long lashes...my favorite genetic quirk...I have great lashes, as do my children. When #5 was in the NICU all the nurses were in love with his long eye lashes. Compared to #'s 3 and 4 he had none!! He had no eye brows, but damnit, he had lashes!!
The one thing I decided when I became a beauty consultant was to never be greedy about my income. I always offer some sort of deal on one or more items, and most orders recieve some sort of discount. I also offer the Gift With Purchase for every order over $40 (before taxes). Maybe this is why I may never become one of the millionare sales directors, but I have happy customers and that is more important to me than any recognition!
One of the avenues of income the comapny promotes is recruiting "qualified consultants". To be considered qualified consultant is by your recruit placing a $600 wholesale order in her first two months. It is my understanding that most people who decide to take on a home based business are those who are in need of money, not those who have a bunch to throw around.
If and when I decide to build a team of my own, I want to build it as a debt-free option. I would rather watch people build from the ground up as opposed to swimming in debt and become paralized with fear of how they are going to pay their mounting credit card bills.
This is definately one company where you can build from scratch and carry little or no inventory and still be successful.
I am afraid so many people have tried to make Mary Kay their very own "get rich quick" scheme that they seem to have lost the original purpose of Mary Kay which is "enriching Women's Lives". They are all about getting their qualified recruits and not much else.
I have read about women who feel taken by The Company with their tactics, what they fail to understand is that it was the recruiters and directors who have led them astray. When these so-called leaders pressure women to purchase inventory they can't afford, they are only hurting themselves in the long run. As a recruit who has no idea how to move her product, wold you really want to approach the woman who made you think this stuff sells itself to tell her you are having trouble making your credit card minimums?
Not me, I have made decisions along the way that I feel comfortable with and have no regrets. I do believe this stuff sells itself once you have a customer base. Many successful consultants have a great re-order business, as they should. We sell a consumable product. As long as customers like the product and are satisfied with the service you provide, you should never go out of business.
Our product retails for double my wholesale cost. There are bonuses based on order amounts (free product, jewlery, etc). With all this in mind you could easily make a 50% profit even after expenses. Me, I'm happy with 20%. I send my customers a monthly newsletter (not a company generated email) that showcases a different product every month plus highlights a sale or special I am having. I send out gift certificates for birthdays, happy anniversary cards, and well wishes when a family member is sick or celebrating. These add up, yep they do. But I am Enriching Women's Lives, not just my wallet, and THAT'S what important to me.
You can visit my website to place an order or cantact me directly with any questions or concerns. This month I am selling the Replenishing Serum +C for $30 (retail $55.00). As this is a 'company template' website I am not able to adjust my prices displayed on the site, I have to manually adjust the price when I make the invoice. Shipping is always free and I will give a 10% discount if you put FAMILYANDFINANCE as the code.
Have a great day!!
When I first signed my contract I decided to completely embrace the Mary Kay concept and it has been very rewarding. I have always enjoyed dressing up and looking good. As a professional business woman, I now do this almost daily! People who have known me for years have made comments about how great I look and how surprised they are that I am an Independent Beauty Consultant...the tom-boy of all tom-boys now a professional beauty consultant!!
I grew up in a family of seven children; four boys, three girls...I always truly thought it should have been five and two. So for people who have known me my entire life are sometimes shocked yet always pleased that I have taken a new direction.
I still embrace my high levels of testosterone regularly, I just look damn good when I do it! LOL I love hunting deer in November, dressed in blaze orange camouflage clothing, I enjoy riding snowmobiles when it is -30 C while wearing my awesome sno-cross style helmet.
What is different? Well, every morning I use the TimeWise 3-in-1 Cleanser in the shower. Every third day I add the Microdermabrasion Step One while I'm in there...you have never felt anything like it and it is awesome! So I go through the entire 'skin care routine' and follow it with a little bit of color; not enough to look like the Beauty Consultants of the 70's and 80's, just enough to bring out my stunning eyes and wonderfully long lashes...my favorite genetic quirk...I have great lashes, as do my children. When #5 was in the NICU all the nurses were in love with his long eye lashes. Compared to #'s 3 and 4 he had none!! He had no eye brows, but damnit, he had lashes!!
The one thing I decided when I became a beauty consultant was to never be greedy about my income. I always offer some sort of deal on one or more items, and most orders recieve some sort of discount. I also offer the Gift With Purchase for every order over $40 (before taxes). Maybe this is why I may never become one of the millionare sales directors, but I have happy customers and that is more important to me than any recognition!
One of the avenues of income the comapny promotes is recruiting "qualified consultants". To be considered qualified consultant is by your recruit placing a $600 wholesale order in her first two months. It is my understanding that most people who decide to take on a home based business are those who are in need of money, not those who have a bunch to throw around.
If and when I decide to build a team of my own, I want to build it as a debt-free option. I would rather watch people build from the ground up as opposed to swimming in debt and become paralized with fear of how they are going to pay their mounting credit card bills.
This is definately one company where you can build from scratch and carry little or no inventory and still be successful.
I am afraid so many people have tried to make Mary Kay their very own "get rich quick" scheme that they seem to have lost the original purpose of Mary Kay which is "enriching Women's Lives". They are all about getting their qualified recruits and not much else.
I have read about women who feel taken by The Company with their tactics, what they fail to understand is that it was the recruiters and directors who have led them astray. When these so-called leaders pressure women to purchase inventory they can't afford, they are only hurting themselves in the long run. As a recruit who has no idea how to move her product, wold you really want to approach the woman who made you think this stuff sells itself to tell her you are having trouble making your credit card minimums?
Not me, I have made decisions along the way that I feel comfortable with and have no regrets. I do believe this stuff sells itself once you have a customer base. Many successful consultants have a great re-order business, as they should. We sell a consumable product. As long as customers like the product and are satisfied with the service you provide, you should never go out of business.
Our product retails for double my wholesale cost. There are bonuses based on order amounts (free product, jewlery, etc). With all this in mind you could easily make a 50% profit even after expenses. Me, I'm happy with 20%. I send my customers a monthly newsletter (not a company generated email) that showcases a different product every month plus highlights a sale or special I am having. I send out gift certificates for birthdays, happy anniversary cards, and well wishes when a family member is sick or celebrating. These add up, yep they do. But I am Enriching Women's Lives, not just my wallet, and THAT'S what important to me.
You can visit my website to place an order or cantact me directly with any questions or concerns. This month I am selling the Replenishing Serum +C for $30 (retail $55.00). As this is a 'company template' website I am not able to adjust my prices displayed on the site, I have to manually adjust the price when I make the invoice. Shipping is always free and I will give a 10% discount if you put FAMILYANDFINANCE as the code.
Have a great day!!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Back to the grind
Well, #3 started high school yesterday. I still don't know how or when I got old enough to have a high school kid!! (Denial with step-kids is ultra easy...no way am I old enough to be a grandmother!!) She came home in a good mood so it was all good...teenager gone all day and comes home in a good mood-the stars are aligned somewhere!!
Today I am busy looking for a job, changing diapers, doing laundry, and cleaning the house (well I will be now...I had to have a nap with the boys, it was hard work planning all this!!
Have a good day...
Today I am busy looking for a job, changing diapers, doing laundry, and cleaning the house (well I will be now...I had to have a nap with the boys, it was hard work planning all this!!
Have a good day...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
'Financial Peace University' was a helpful read
The making of a millionaire!!
It showed me several different ways people thought about money and it allowed me to tailor teachings for my teenager in a way that she could not only understand but also absorb.
My 14 year old daughter is already in the habit of saving no less than 20% of her earnings. She loves to watch it grow and I hope that it will be a seamless transition from babysitting to W2!!
Friday, September 4, 2009
YUCK
That's how I am feeling these days, YUCK. I am so unsure of everything that I have no idea which direction to head.
The decision to reconcile was based mostly on "mommy guilt." For any of you who have children out there you know what I am talking about. Everybody else just needs to know that "mommy guilt" is one of the deepest emotions a parent can face. It can make you do things you wouldn't otherwise do.
My kids are my world. I know how devastating a divorce would be on them; especially one with the bitterness of Hubby. He had the power to destroy our children and was doing a pretty good job of it...asshole.
The option to reconcile or continue on the path we were on caused me to put my own feelings aside, my own needs, and to just kind of fall back into my 'role.'
Well, as it turns out, I don't like this role. I was enjoying my new role as single parent. I was thriving. I was on my way to bigger and better things. Now, I feel stuck. YUCK
This all happened so fast that I don't even know some of it happened. Much of it took place during my far too brief pregnancy. I miss Faith a little more everyday and it hurts so bad...My heart breaks a little more each day. My tears are starting to fall finally and they sting. At night I dream I am still pregnant or that she is already here and I wake up crying. I want my baby back. I love you Faith.
Now I feel as though I have no option but to accept this choice I made because going through it all again would be so hard on the kids...but is watching their mother become an empty shell any better? The thing you need to remember when choosing the best of two evils and that they are both still evil...
I need an ice cream cone...peanut butter cup ice cream mmmMMMMMmmmm. I just may run and get one after the kids go to bed! Maybe then, even if only for a few minutes I can turn YUCK into YUM...
I had a tattoo thought today as well. A special version of a family tree. A branch with three butterflies (for my living children) and four caterpillars (for my children born much too soon). I'd put them in chronological order (B-C-C-B-C-B-C)...pretty neat I think if I do say so myself!!
The decision to reconcile was based mostly on "mommy guilt." For any of you who have children out there you know what I am talking about. Everybody else just needs to know that "mommy guilt" is one of the deepest emotions a parent can face. It can make you do things you wouldn't otherwise do.
My kids are my world. I know how devastating a divorce would be on them; especially one with the bitterness of Hubby. He had the power to destroy our children and was doing a pretty good job of it...asshole.
The option to reconcile or continue on the path we were on caused me to put my own feelings aside, my own needs, and to just kind of fall back into my 'role.'
Well, as it turns out, I don't like this role. I was enjoying my new role as single parent. I was thriving. I was on my way to bigger and better things. Now, I feel stuck. YUCK
This all happened so fast that I don't even know some of it happened. Much of it took place during my far too brief pregnancy. I miss Faith a little more everyday and it hurts so bad...My heart breaks a little more each day. My tears are starting to fall finally and they sting. At night I dream I am still pregnant or that she is already here and I wake up crying. I want my baby back. I love you Faith.
Now I feel as though I have no option but to accept this choice I made because going through it all again would be so hard on the kids...but is watching their mother become an empty shell any better? The thing you need to remember when choosing the best of two evils and that they are both still evil...
I need an ice cream cone...peanut butter cup ice cream mmmMMMMMmmmm. I just may run and get one after the kids go to bed! Maybe then, even if only for a few minutes I can turn YUCK into YUM...
I had a tattoo thought today as well. A special version of a family tree. A branch with three butterflies (for my living children) and four caterpillars (for my children born much too soon). I'd put them in chronological order (B-C-C-B-C-B-C)...pretty neat I think if I do say so myself!!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Here we go again
Well, if somebody would have told me in January where I'd be today I would have laughed in their face. Yet here I am...emotionally scarred, hurt, pissed off, and all around confused.
Now that hubby wants to reconcile I just don't know how. I don't know how to get past the choices he made out of anger, greed, and whatever else he justifies it with.
We are living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, attending the same church, going over the same budget (although different from the last ones because he again has a new job. Thankfully this one actually pays enough to cover all the bills :).
I have officially completed my nursing education (or the beginning of it anyway). I took my licensure exam and passed! (YAY ME!!) I am now officially a 'real' nurse. I am an LPN. Now #4 can stop referring to me as "not a real nurse, just a Mom nurse!"
I am looing forward to finding a job. Would you believe nursing jobs are hard to come by in our area?!? No damn shortage here!! We have something like 4 nursing schools in a 200 mile radius so lots of people to fill positions and many of them looking just for the experience before they move on to bigger and better places (the pay here is also minimal).
As for the budget and debt reduction it's worse than it was when I started this blog. One of Hubby's cards that we paid off was used to pay his lawyer a retainer (maxed out). Plus he had to borrow an extra $700 from his brother to pay the rest of the retainer. Between the retainer and other services his lawyer is owed close to $7000. Where the heck am I supposed to find $7000??
My anger surfaces at times when I think of not only the stress and destruction he caused but also the addition of even more debt that we can't afford. Plus he ran up the other cards we had paid off. I am having an extremely hard time letting goof the anger surrounding this issue.
Our marriage counselor wants us to be spending a minimum of 30 minutes together doing enjoyable activities each week. This is not supposed to be 'flowers and candy' time, just simple things like a walk, a picnic, a card or board game. No expectations, and no kids...WHAT?? NO KIDS?? How can I justify taking time away from the kids to spend with a man I don't even know anymore?
In my eyes divorce is not an option. We owe it to our kids. I just don't know if I will ever love him as I once did. I don't feel connected to him emotionally. The father of my children, yes; my life partner, yes; the man I will spend the rest of my days with, hopefully. The person I can't live without...not so much.
I think what bothers me is that I don't even really care if we find what we have lost. I'm content to just live out my days as we are. I don't want to put forth the energy to fix what HE broke. I guess time will tell.
Now that hubby wants to reconcile I just don't know how. I don't know how to get past the choices he made out of anger, greed, and whatever else he justifies it with.
We are living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, attending the same church, going over the same budget (although different from the last ones because he again has a new job. Thankfully this one actually pays enough to cover all the bills :).
I have officially completed my nursing education (or the beginning of it anyway). I took my licensure exam and passed! (YAY ME!!) I am now officially a 'real' nurse. I am an LPN. Now #4 can stop referring to me as "not a real nurse, just a Mom nurse!"
I am looing forward to finding a job. Would you believe nursing jobs are hard to come by in our area?!? No damn shortage here!! We have something like 4 nursing schools in a 200 mile radius so lots of people to fill positions and many of them looking just for the experience before they move on to bigger and better places (the pay here is also minimal).
As for the budget and debt reduction it's worse than it was when I started this blog. One of Hubby's cards that we paid off was used to pay his lawyer a retainer (maxed out). Plus he had to borrow an extra $700 from his brother to pay the rest of the retainer. Between the retainer and other services his lawyer is owed close to $7000. Where the heck am I supposed to find $7000??
My anger surfaces at times when I think of not only the stress and destruction he caused but also the addition of even more debt that we can't afford. Plus he ran up the other cards we had paid off. I am having an extremely hard time letting goof the anger surrounding this issue.
Our marriage counselor wants us to be spending a minimum of 30 minutes together doing enjoyable activities each week. This is not supposed to be 'flowers and candy' time, just simple things like a walk, a picnic, a card or board game. No expectations, and no kids...WHAT?? NO KIDS?? How can I justify taking time away from the kids to spend with a man I don't even know anymore?
In my eyes divorce is not an option. We owe it to our kids. I just don't know if I will ever love him as I once did. I don't feel connected to him emotionally. The father of my children, yes; my life partner, yes; the man I will spend the rest of my days with, hopefully. The person I can't live without...not so much.
I think what bothers me is that I don't even really care if we find what we have lost. I'm content to just live out my days as we are. I don't want to put forth the energy to fix what HE broke. I guess time will tell.
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