FIRST

Our family is in DEEP trouble. I don't just mean we are struggling with debt (along with the rest of the world) but we are emotionally strained and seem to be falling apart.

We are a fairly large family; Hubby, Me, and five children ranging from 1 - 18 years old. A mixed family; #'s 1 & 2 live with their mother and we pay child support, #3 was mine from a previous relationship (I say was because now I share her with Hubby), #'s 4 & 5 we had together. We have been married 8 1/2 years and live in a small town (you'll hear about life in a small town as time goes on!).

About a year ago I started to really look into finances and the impact of decisions we were making. I researched retirement fund options, read the small print on our credit card statements, balanced the checkbook and started a budget.

Almost a year later and the budget is still a work in progress. Each month I change a little here or a little there to make everything fit. Throughout the year there have been bills which have gone unpaid, a savings account has been drained, credit cards have been maxed out, disconnect notices, lost jobs, conversations, and triumphs, arguments, tears, and frustration. To say the least it has been a roller coaster.

Over the course of this same year we have had a college graduation (mine), two job changes (hubby), a first birthday(#5), a first day of school (#4), and continuing unemployment (me).

Currently Hubby is a truck driver (locally so he's home every night). I think he is underpaid (he asked about a raise in December and was told it would be considered in the new year...I'm waaaiaiaiaiaiaiting). His job has been unsteady because farmers are just not in a hurry to move anything with prices they way they are. Some weeks he works 50 - 65 hours, others he's lucky if he can scrape up 30...there are no benefits (medical, retirement...nothing). I'd like him to find another job but I think his ego has been bruised this past year after losing a job due to licensing issues and leaving another because the pay sucked.

I graduated from an LPN program in August and haven't been very 'inclined' to find work...I should be, it's just hard to get motivated when I enjoy being home with #'s 4 & 5. This past two weeks I have made up a resume, applied for jobs and begun to look for daycare...I'm getting right in to this 'job hunt' thing!

Every one of our credit cards is officially maxed out, we bought furniture we couldn't afford (but the financing was great -eye rolling-), and we are currently in the red every month by at least $500.

We receive help from the county with medical assistance, and most months we qualify for Food Stamps...I've begun to HATE this. I had a lightbulb moment the other day and realized that we should be able to support ourselves. We should be embarrassed to be on Food Stamps, not flaunting the fact that we get a ridiculous amount each month...I even thought of not sending in the paperwork this month (monthly income reporting), then I decided that I would aim to not file by March. This will give me the time (and resources) to get things straightened out and fill up our pantry again. Even if we do qualify it doesn't mean we have to take it.

Right now, living paycheck to paycheck would be a blessing...when the paycheck comes in right now it pays off the overdraft (thank God for overdraft protection) and most of the bills. The problem seems to be AFTER the paycheck is spent we have considered it 'customary' to run through our overdraft...can you believe I JUST figured this out in the last few weeks?? Now, trying to stop THAT cycle is tough, we essentially are $500 in the hole at the start of EVERY pay period; not once a month, EVERY OTHER WEEK!!!

My goal this month is to get current with every bill we have. Our electricity bill is one month past due right now ($105.00). According to the written budget we are currently $-322.20 in our checking account. The bank says we have $225.77 (plus a $500 overdraft). THAT'S how I realized there was a problem; every time I looked at the balance I included the $500 that is there in case of accounting errors or other unforeseen transactions...not a cushion or personal line of credit.

Last Saturday the paycheck was deposited into the overdraft account and THEN the checking account. I withdrew the available $140 from my child support debit card and said, "That's it. I have taken out all money we have available until the next paycheck." I went on to explain that using the debit card was a no-go and that all our credit cards are at their max (in total there is probably $350 available between the five cards).

We then proceeded to a basketball tournament for #3. The admission for adults to a junior high, double elimination tournament was $5.00-HIGHWAY ROBBERY if you ask me, especially considering the game started early and we almost missed the first half. Although they lost the first game, they won the second and thankfully got to play a third for fifth place-which they won.

My one saving grace that day was that I insisted on bringing a picnic lunch for the boys so we wouldn't have to buy food. With two hours between her first two games and an hour between the last two, that food was our salvation. It provided lunch for all three kids plus a snack for Hubby and myself. I did break down and buy ice cream because #5 is teething and I forgot the Orajel AND Tylenol :(

The next day, Hubby went to go visit #1 who is in CD treatment and the car needed gas...WHA...you want to go support a kid going through a crucial time in his life???...but we supported #3 yesterday...we can't do it all in one weekend...he didn't think I was funny, took the $20 I handed him and left. lol

So here it is already Wednesday evening. Hubby drove #3 to confirmation class (16 miles away PLUS it was our week to provide a snack for the group), #4 is whining and complaining I won't let him have chips (or Lunchables, or -insert unhealthy snack here-) because he refused to eat supper, and #5 is sleeping (he's been real sick this week with the flu so today he's been sleeping it off).

We have exactly $53 left of the $140, another basketball tournament this weekend, and an empty gas tank.

Well, #5 is awake and wants to be fed and #4 should be getting ready for bed...