Who Knew?

Murphy showed up at our house this week...and it doesn't look as though he plans on leaving anytime soon...

Hubby informed he he is no longer in love with me and hasn't been for a while. He wants a divorce. I knew we were having trouble and that's why we were returning to a marriage counselor, to get guidance to return the peace and happiness in our lives. I had NO IDEA he was so unhappy.

We have been through many trials in our marriage, we held on and stormed through each one together. Each time we became stronger and happier.

We have five children...in my eyes we do not have the RIGHT to get divorced. When we got married we already had three children between us. We made a promise to each other and more importantly to them that we would be the one thing that no matter what they could always count on.

As a mother, my job is to make this trauma have the least possible impact on our children...and it's hard. I have to suck up my hurt, anger, fear, and disappointment and tell them "Mom and Dad decided..." To say "Dad decided..." would poison them against their father or alienate them from me as they try to "stick up" for him. Either way, they need to be able to work through this on their terms, not mine...

One of the first things I worried about was the bedtime ritual. Every night it is Dad who gets #4 and #5 ready for bed...jammies, book, and tucked in...something he started when #4 was very young...that's "Dad's time." I asked the marriage counselor if it was appropriate to have him come over at bedtime to continue this ritual. As long as it does not cause any undue stress to either of us or the children.

So far it has worked wonderfully for #4. He goes to bed as he always has, no arguments, no getting up multiple times, just right to bed. For #5 it's a different story. Of all the kids, he is definitely taking this separation the hardest. He is 14 months and has absolutely lost his compass. When Dad comes over he is so excited, it is cute. When Dad even leaves the room though, #5 comes unglued. He refuses to let Dad put him to bed.

Last night as Dad was trying to leave, #5 reached out for a hug. He cuddled up on his dad, reached over...and tried to grab his coat so Dad would take him!! Way too smart for a baby!! When his coat fell, he grabbed his sister's snow pants (which he could fit into probably 10 times!)
It was heartbreaking.

I am convinced our family will be reunited (against all indications from Hubby). I think this is a mid-life thing and he'll figure things out and be back...the 'nasty ex-wife' gene that I think women are naturally born with wants me to put a halt to the bedtime routine to make HIM suffer...that'll make him come back...right?? just kidding...I love my kids WAY MORE than I could ever have hard feeling towards him...

Not so much about finance this time...maybe later...