Reality is beginning to set in

Hubby's paycheck was less than $750. He deposited all but $50.00. This leaves me $60.00 short after the partial unemployment payment he received earlier in the week. I know I need to get looking for a job and that it is up to me to support my children as much as it is up to him. I am struggling with the fact that I'm not the one who asked for this divorce yet seem to be the one paying the highest price.

Our tax returns have not yet been deposited and I am wondering if I should still follow through with the original plan of paying off all but one credit card. What if Hubby continues to have less than 80 hour paychecks? The credit card payments are $200/month so I would have a lighter burden (only one card would still have a balance and the minimum payment would be right around $30). On months when I receive the full amount I would put more toward the card plus build up my emergency fund. I have a small emergency fund that would get me through a minor catastrophe; anything more would cause me to pull out the credit cards...ugh. I've run the numbers a thousand ways and it seems to come out about even either way. I guess it just comes down to personal preference. Do I want the freedom of knowing I only have one credit card payment to make every month, or would I rather make a few payments and have a few extra dollars in the bank just in case?

Personally, I'd prefer the less payments. If I keep the money and continue to make payments to more than one card I'm not getting anywhere. This way, when the last card in finally paid off I can put all that money towards a larger emergency fund. In the meantime, if I do have an emergency I've got the small amount I have put away and would rather risk having to use a paid in full credit card to get through than having cash sitting around costing me in interest payments every month. Another rationale is that I think it would cause me to really think about what constitutes an emergency if I have to drag out a card to cover it.

I think I just talked myself in to my decision. I know me better than anybody else (although my new shrink is catching up real fast)! Psychologically this is the answer for me. I just can't wait to have the money to start paying the cards off.

I should probably do something to celebrate. Maybe I'll treat myself to a manicure at the local community college. It's like $7.00. I think I can swing that! I am a nail biter (although not as bad as I used to be) and there is something about a manicure that makes me feel so damn sexy! Guess I'll have to quit biting them for a week or so before I go. It's amazing how erotic I feel when I have on nail polish; how crazy is that? It doesn't even have to be some bright, off the wall hooker color. As long as there is nail polish I'm good to go! Maybe I'll get fake nails just to try them out. I'll let you know.