I need a break

I have never imagined my life would be where it is right now.

It never occurred to me that I would end up a single parent again. If I had even imagined it a possibility I would not have had more children. I strongly believe children need both parents in the home. Mom here and Dad there isn't enough. It is not natural, it is not normal...it takes two to bring these children in to the world for a reason. It takes two to raise a child. The job is meant for both parents, not just one.

I love being a mom, it is what I was born to do. I hurt for my children having to feel pulled between two houses (an possibly no home). How do people expect children to grow to their full potential when they do not have the opportunity to plant a solid base? If you uproot a newly planted tree every other weekend and twice during the week guess what happens?? It cannot be sustained, even with the best of intentions.

I don't understand how people can make the decision with a clear conscience to force their children in to a situation they never asked to be in and think 'everything will be just fine.'

I cannot bring myself to call a lawyer. I have not yet accepted the permanence of the situation. I'm in a very tough spot right now. Hubby has not taken any action (and is seemingly refusing to as he waits for ME to make the next move). I think he is enjoying the feeling of having power over me. I wish he knew that he has no power over me and that I could also make the first move to file...I could...but I 'can't'.

I believe my husband is very sick and I do not have the right to walk away from him...even though it was he who walked away...

His health is completely out of my hands. Understanding this is one thing, accepting it and standing here watching him get worse by the day is another...remember..."For better or worse, In SICKNESS and in health."

So yes, I need a break. I need to be able to completely disconnect from life for a few days and just find my footing again. This past two months have been a roller coaster bigger than either the one at WEM or Marineland. At least those ones I WANTED to be on :)

I would love to be able to go away for a week with the kids somewhere fun and exciting...anybody giving out trips to Florida?? The cost is obviously prohibitive.

Right now I don't even remember what my business goals are but here's what I am thinking RIGHT NOW:

1. Pay off credit card ($3500)
2. Build a financial cushion ($4000)
3. Save up enough to get the hell out of dodge for two weeks and maybe bring a babysitter ;)

Actually, I'd really just like to get the hell out of dodge for two weeks and not worry about everything else (including the financial ramifications) until I get back.

I hear Florida and North Carolina are nice this time of year. I wonder if I could do both in two weeks..........